I feel like I'm trying too hard, but hard is not hard enough, only because I don't know how hard enough works. I don't know what to do when I'm alone. I thought that all I've been doing was to make that feeling go away, but in the end, I see that it's even more radiant in this light. And lately, I've also been thinking about myself for the last few weeks.

There are FIVE(5) things I've realized this day.

1. I don't have a subject in which I am confident of getting a high grade in.
> Thinking about my major subjects especially Organic Chemistry and Physiology-Anatomy kills me.

2. Still, I haven't done the things I have set with myself, for myself.
> All I have are plans plans plans! JUST PLANS. @_@

3. I'm looking forward to October, when it will be our semestral break and my eighteenth birthday, which I profoundly hope will be a really good one but I don't know how that will happen when all I have are plans and not doing anything about it.
> I've been excited about my 18th birthday and I got so many plans, but still, as of now, my invitation list, my 18 blah blah and my dance number are still not prepared. I only got less than 2 months left. -_-

4. I'm getting fat and uglier. And i hate it. I have to do some or should I correct it as MORE exercises and diet.
> I've attended my blockmate's debut and I wore a silver dress. I really felt that I am getting fat. My close guy friends kept on teasing me. "Macho Girl" Damn.

5. I should be in geekery.
> Lately I've been sleeping so late like around 2am-3am in the morning eventhough I have classes at 7am. I've been late on my morning classes though they are my minor classes, STILL, I am late. Everytime we'll have long exams and quizzes, I do open my books and browse but I still didn't understand anything. I wasn't like this before, but now I'm so lazy, and I'm asking you, please kill me for this. :s